


She Had A Plan

by Vilabelle



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 12:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13682031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vilabelle/pseuds/Vilabelle
Summary: Sana was a planner, and everyone knew that. But plans can be changed if the reason for change was worth it.





	She Had A Plan

It’s been five days, and she still sat on her same spot in front of the tv.

Five days since she had last went to work, since she had a proper meal other than biscuits and carrots, or talked to her husband more than a few “see you”s and “how was your day”s.

Five days since her last doctor appointment.

 

+++++

 

Sana got married to Yousef at 21, after a two year-long engagement. This wasn’t part of the plan; getting married at such a young age before she’d even completed her degree in medicine, but sharing a house and starting a life with Yousef was worth shuffling and pushing around every single plan she had written down.

Yousef was not the type of guy she had thought of falling in love with. Sure, he was fairly handsome it still gave her butterflies, the most caring and kind person she’d ever known, but he was very dorky, to a point it made her cringe sometimes, very flirtatious even when so many of his attempts never seem to work, and he loved, _loved_ kids. So when she fell hard and fast for him, she decided that she likes his lame jokes, his helpless flirting techniques will always be his way to her, and she wanted to have children with him.

He was worth every change of mind.

 

+++++

 

She stood in front of the fridge in her kitchen, it must’ve been opened for more than a minute maybe because its alarm went off, asking her to _please stop staring at my empty insides and shut my door_. The sound startled her, and she took a deep breath and leant forward to grab her third can of soda at 10 AM.

She thought that this seems like a perfect scenario to go grab a bottle of alcohol and go back in front of the tv to drain every last drop of it, just like they do in the movies, but they didn’t bring these kind of drinks to their house, and there was no way she was going out or call someone to bring one. Not that she didn’t want the alcohol, she just didn’t want to leave the house or pick her phone up.

Popping the can open and taking the first chug of her non-alcoholic Coca-Cola, she shut the fridge’s door closed and walked out of the kitchen. While heading back to the living room, she heard the doorbell ringing, and she had to take a moment to decide if she wanted to answer that or not, until she decided to do.

When she opened the door, she was not surprised to see Isak outside, but for some reason he looked extremely shocked to see her in her own house. His jaw fell open and no air seemed to be entering his lungs.

“What?” She asked dryly.

Isak awkwardly dropped his eyes to the floor and placed a hand over them, blocking the view in front of him from them, his other hand gripping tightly around the paper bag in his hand. “You.. your clothes.. your scarf..!”

Sana looked down at herself, she was wearing knees-long pants and a tank top, and knew her hair was in a high bun by shaking her head a little. She looked back at Isak, the poor guy still covering his eyes.

She rolled her eyes. “So? You’ve never seen a woman’s bare shoulders before, Isak? I know it’s not your type but this.. you’ve at least seen a hundred girls dressed like this in the street everyday”

Isak still wouldn’t look up, his body was shaking a little from embarrassment. “No, Sana. Not..”

“What? Now that I’m allowing you to see my hair after all your nagging questions through high school you cover your eyes?”

Isak took a deep breath. “You know what. I’m just going to leave this here” He said and took a careful step forward to place the bag by the door, he seemed like he was afraid that if he look up a rock will fall on his head. He stood back in his previous spot, his hands moving without purpose as he was trying to come up with things to say, while Sana just watched him get more flustered and red by each second, until he dropped his shoulders down and turned around to leave the building.

Sana picked up the bag he left, peaked at its insides, turned around and closed the door.

 

+++++

 

It was interesting to see her mother’s reaction to her decisions, especially the ones that contradicted all expectations built around her, Sana Bakkoush, the determined girl who planned her whole future by herself when she was only 12. Everybody knew she wanted to be a surgeon like her dad, do her internship in a great hospital and be one of those people who have their partners drop them off at work or school in their rich fancy cars– something she always envied Noora for.

So her mother was surprised, to say the least, when she came back home and told her whole family that she was majoring in pediatrics.

When she waits for Yousef at the playground of the school he works at, she watches his ways with kids, how he deals with those little humans she always despised and how he can make them laugh so purely. It softened her heart toward them, even though she would never admit that, but when she gets a hug for treating a knee scrape of a little girl, she can’t help the warmth she feels in her chest afterward.

She took her time to question herself, if this sudden desire was just a temporary thing, that it will go after a week or two, but then here she was, 3 months later, looking at one of four pediatrics programs brochures in her hands. She hadn’t told anyone about that yet, not even Yousef, but she was feeling a new form of excitement she never had before

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Mama Bakkoush asked her, for the second or third time.

She answers ‘yes’ once again with a smile, assuring her that she made that decision with confidence and determination, and without anyone pressuring her or telling her what to do.

Mama Bakkoush wasn’t Yousef’s biggest fan and Sana knows that, she understands it’s because of his beliefs and how it might affect her daughter’s faith, but if you ask Sana, she would say that he was her mother’s favorite sous chef, and maybe that got him a fraction of approval.

“Because I know you’ve always wanted to be like your father and..”

“I still want to be a great doctor like baba” Sana replies, pouring some tea into two cups. “Maybe not the same profession tho” She lifts one of the cups and hands it to her mother and sits on the opposite side of the dining table. She can still see the debating look on her mother’s face, so she sighs and huffs a laugh, looking straight in her mother’s eyes as she says her next words. “I promise you, _no one_ made me do it, no one knows about this except for you guys. Can you at least be happy for me?”

Her mother got the message and nodded. “ _I am_ happy for you, habibti. If this is truly what you want to do then you get nothing but support from me”

Sana smiled and sipped on her tea.

 

+++++

 

She watches the third viewing of the same episode of this weird reality tv show she can’t bother to check its name, and just like the two times before, she zones out in the part where the interviewer asks a very-pregnant woman about eating clean and keeping a healthy lifestyle, and comes back to her conscious when the credits are rolling.

Her phone vibrates on the table next to her, she leans over to see that it’s another text from Vilde. _‘Call me. Sana, please’_ , and normally, Sana would call or pick up after an endless amount of unanswered rings, but she knew exactly what it was going to be about so she’d rather not deal with it at all.

 

+++++

 

In less than year, Sana married Yousef, started an internship at the best hospital in Oslo under the best pediatrician there, and got herself the best graduation deal any medicine student would ever dream of. It was like all doors were opened and life was more than just smiling at her. She felt blessed, she had the greatest family and friends who loved her, a husband who worshiped the floor she stepped on, and a great career. She more than often find herself tearing up with how much happiness she had inside of her, that finally, finally, she was living her best life.

She told Yousef once when they were laying in bed together facing each other, that he was the single greatest blessing of her life, the one good thing the brought all the good things along with it. Yousef didn’t shy away from taking credit, wiggling his eyebrows and smirking at her, and she let him because he deserved the praise for being who he is, but he also had the sweetest thing to say as he pulled her to his chest.

“If I had to point one reason for why I believe in God again, it’s because you exist in my life, and I somehow ended up in your life, and I get to call you my wife. Things like that don’t happen by accident or chance”

Sana almost counted that as one of his many flirtation techniques in attempt to charm her, but the way he looked at her, how he said it without missing a beat or cracking a smile sent goosebumps through her whole body. She can never reply to that, not even if she tried. She just placed her head on her chest and breathed him in.

 

+++++

 

Yousef came back home a little while after, she was still were he left her, wearing the same clothes, not that he cared.

“Hey” He said leaning by the living room’s door.

“Hey” She replied, no expression on her face. “How was work?”

“It was okay. The usual” He nodded.

“Okay”

“Okay.”

When after few seconds she didn’t look back at him or said anything, he gave her a little smile on his way to their room.

She heard her stomach growling after few minutes, Yousef still didn’t make it out of the bedroom and was probably never going to, so she just got up on her feet and walked her usual walk, dragging her feet to the kitchen.

She opened the fridge again, and beant over like she would find something if she looked closer, she realized her head was in pain, and suddenly her vision was getting blurry and dark. Sana closed the door of the fridge and slapped her face once, trying to get herself back together, but no matter how much she squeezes her eyes shut and open them again, everything around her was still losing its clarity, until there was nothing.

  
+++++

  
The postponing of having children was deliberate. Sana and Yousef thought that it would be best if they wait until Sana finished her internship and graduated first, and by that time Yousef would’ve finished his degree as well and got promoted to a class teacher.

She was 24, he was 26.

After a year of trying, they knew they had to check a doctor, just to see what the obstacle was. Both of them were healthy and ready, and if they wanted nine children they better start now.

Sana made an appointment at the hospital she works at, and luckily the doctor in charge was a colleague and a senior she sits with at lunch table. Dr. Maya was more than welcoming to help the couple, and was as helpful to Sana as patient as she was to her a junior, explaining all the test both her and Yousef have to get done and when the results will appear.

_There was nothing to worry about._

Until two weeks later, when both Sana and Yousef met with dr. Maya again. She didn’t have the most cheerful look on her face as she delivered the tests results, and she gave them a long talk, which Sana’s ear had blocked the rest of it right after she heard the words ‘autoimmune disorder’ and ‘ovarian failure’.

She was young, and this absolutely made no sense, and yet, the results confirmed it, her ovaries were shutting down.

The one thing in her plan that didn’t move or shuffle around the timeline, she can’t have.

  
+++++

  
Yousef was already in his pyjama pants at 5 o’clock a loud thud of something hitting the ground outside the room startled him, making him lift his back from the bed in an eyeblink, nothing but the previous silence following it. He dropped his feet to the floor and walked to open the door, only peeking his head out.

“Sana?”

When she didn’t reply back to him, Yousef decided to go see the source of the sound and check on his wife. He thought that he was going to find a chair from the kitchen flipped to its back or one of those fluffy seats they have in the living room was dropped aggressively, but the scene that was waiting for him froze his bloodstream and sucked the air out of his lungs.

“SANA!”

He almost slipped on his own feet rushing to the laying body on the floor just by the kitchen’s door, his knees hurt when they dropped to the ground next to Sana, but her closed eyes and pale face were too worrying for him to care about his own pain.

Yousef placed a hand on her shoulder, carefully combing back the strands of hair on her face and checking her breathing with the other hand. They were shallow rapid inhales. He tried not to freak out too much as he started shaking her slowly. “Oh God. Sana. Sana!”

When she didn’t move, he started performing CPR on her, blowing air through her mouth and pressing on her chest with both hands. She opened her eyes a minute later, blinking a few times before she registered his face. Yousef let out the breath he was holding, and tried to blink away the witness in his eyes.

“Yousef..”

Yousef closed his eyes and sighed, taking a moment to regain control of his nerves. He grabbed her face between his hands and leant over her to place their foreheads together. “You scared the shit out of me”

She placed her hands on his over her face, his name barely making it out of her mouth. “Yousef..”

“I’m so sorry, baby. I let this happen. I’m so sorry”

He placed a soft kiss on her lips, and that was her cue to break. Sana began sobbing and apologizing uncontrollably in Yousef’s arms as he lifted her back off the floor and to his embrace, both holding each other for dear life, letting all the emotions they went through in the past week leave them.

“I’m so sorry” She said into his shoulder.

“It’s not your fault, okay?” He whispered, softly patting the back of her head. “It’s no one’s fault, Sana. No one could control this. No one can blame you for this”

She wanted to believe him, she really did, but she couldn’t stop blaming herself.

  
+++++

  
After all was said and done, Sana found in Yousef was the peace and comfort she seeked for the past few days, he has been the one person she thought she had disappointed the most in the world, because he had given her everything, every bit and piece of his heart and soul were hers, and the one person she couldn’t give the only thing he ever wanted, they ever wanted.

Now the were laying in their bed facing each other, so close that the tips of their noses were touching. She missed this, she missed _him_ , she just spent the last five days thinking that she had lost him, that he wouldn’t want anything to do with her anymore, so she stopped caring about herself and everything else.

He was shocked and heartbroken by her confession, almost offended and it made her ashamed of herself.

“So you’re not sad about it?” She asked.

“Of course I’m sad, Sana. But that doesn’t mean that I’m going to ‘resent you’ and ‘look somewhere else’ as you delicately put it” He huffed with a grimps on his face. “How low do you think of me?”

“It’s not that. You deserve better. You deserve everything” She said weakly, her free hand playing with his hair.

Yousef sighed. “And you deserve just as much, if not more” He rolled himself on top of her and lifted himself up with his elbows. “I know that it’s going to be hard, but we’ll get through this together. Okay? It’s you and me, Sana. It will always be you and me”

She smiled, poking her head up to catch his lips in hers and pouring all the emotions she had into that contact. She will have to finally answer Vilde’s calls later, apologize to Isak for acting the way she did and treating him badly even though he brought her her favorite cookies, comfort her worried mother and deal with all the missed calls and left-on-read messages from her friends, but at that moment, she kissed her husband, and he kissed her back.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Valentine’s :DD


End file.
